"Smells" is the first episode of the first series of Bottom. It was broadcast on 17 September 1991. Richie and Eddie are in need of some sex, and head down to the pub armed with a couple of cans of a revolutionary new pheromone sex spray in hope of attracting some female attention.
Richie and Eddie have just returned to their grotty flat after an unsuccessful Friday night "on-the-pull" around town. After describing their depraved methods of attracting the opposite sex, they set about putting an ad for Richie in the Hammersmith Bugle's lonely hearts column. This is a wasted effort however as all Eddie can do is take the mickey. Richie then notices an advert for a revolutionary new pheromone-based sex spray which is said to make the user irresistible to women. The next day, they head down to the local sex shop and purchase a couple of cans, then head down to the Lamb & Flag to test it out.
Richie's first attempt to pull results in a woman's enraged husband violently twisting his testicles, so he and Eddie then turn their attention to two girls sat trying to have a quiet drink. Richie appears to be doing well, and one of them lets him buy her a drink. Jumping the gun, he entices Eddie to the gent's toilets to buy some condoms, which takes longer than anticipated when the condom machine becomes jammed. Richie once again falls foul of the angry patron he annoyed earlier, and is promptly punched in the face. In the fall he hits his head on the condom machine causing it to spew out its entire stock, much to Richie's delight. Eddie decides to ingest the contents of the sex spray and both head back into the bar to find that the girls have moved tables. On the way back over to the girls, Eddie, now clearly inebriated (or just incredibly horny) tries to get off with a chair, before falling off a barstool. Now feeling harassed, the girls reveal to Richie that they're lesbians, and leave.
The episode ends with Richie making a complete fool of himself in front of the rest of the patrons of the pub, and then becomes the focus of attention for Eddie, who is now so drunk and/or horny that he comes on to Richie, who promptly punches him in the face.
Lee Cornes as Dick Head
Clive Mantle as Angry Man
Harriett Thorpe as Angry Man's Wife
Cindy Shelley & Carla Mendocina as The Lesbians
Kevin McNally as The Sex Shop Manager
- Richie: Hello big tits, looking for some action?
- Eddie: Have me...have me, I'm a love albatross!
- Eddie: (laughs) This is a sex shop isn’t it?
- Shopkeeper: Yes.
- Eddie: *Slaps down a fiver* I’ll have five quids worth then.
- Shopkeeper: Very drole sir, haven’t heard that one before.
- Eddie: Oh aye? Shall I tell it again?
- Shopkeeper: No thank you sir I’d rather... have a pineapple inserted violently into my rectum.
- Eddie: You’ve been working here too long mate.
- Eddie: I don’t think they were lesbians Richie. Besides, they went off with this handsomer... whittier, well basically those blokes who didn’t had a load of bog-roll stuffed down their trousers.
- Richie: Well you hardly helped did you Eddie? Stuffing a Vimto bottle down the bottle of your pants and shouting “Wohoo, looking for the Eiffel Tower girls“?
- Eddie: I got a result!
- Richie: Wouldn’t call a kick in the knackers a result.
- Eddie: A free drink.
- Richie: Oh yes a kick in the Knackers and a glass of tonic to the face.
- Eddie: Always keep your mouth open when you’re insulting a lady.
- The first of three appearances of Lee Cornes' character Dick Head, landlord of the Lamb & Flag.
- When Richie and Eddie arrive at the pub, they are attacked by a couple of dogs outside the front doors, presumably as a result of the sex spray, however in every episode onwards when they enter the pub they are also attacked by the dogs.
- Although it was the first episode aired, it appears it was not the first to be filmed, as the third episode of the first series differs slightly in the characterisation and even appearance of Rik and Ade.
- The opening scene sees the rare use of a free camera; most of the show is filmed with fixed cameras or a dolly.
- Dialogue excised from the final cut of the episode featured an extended conversation between Richie, Eddie and The Sex Shop Manager, where along with the sex spray he offers them complimentary copies of Girlie World and lifetime memberships to Madame Fifi's Sex Palace.
- Although not visible on screen, the sex spray Richie and Eddie acquire is manufactured by Dr Glucklick.
- Whether intentional or not, Kevin McNally breaks character and laughs twice at Richie and Eddie's antics in the porn shop.
- Rik Mayall genuinely appears to hurt himself when he gets thrown through the bathroom door and headbutts the bannister.
- When Richie and Eddie are in the booth with the lesbians, the glass that one of them is drinking out of disappears in one shot.
- From the bathroom scene onwards, Richie's shirt stays unbuttoned revealing his chest at various points throughout his escapades at the pub.