Sex Is Wrong is the third episode of the first series of The New Statesman, and was first broadcast on ITV on 27 September 1987.
Alan is in his office, bored, listening to his political agent Beatrice Protheroe discuss statistics. She complains that he's got his hand up her skirt, and admits that whilst she's attracted to him he should think of Sarah; his wife, and her old school friend (with whom she is having an affair with anyway.) Alan then leaps under the table in an attempt to perform a sex act on her but they are interrupted by the arrival of Piers, allowing a relieved Beatrice to leave the room. Alan then discusses Piers' plans for the evening after the Party Conference, and brags about his plans with Beatrice. Piers states he has joined the Campaign for Moral Regeneration, led by Sir Stephen Baxter, which campaigns against the proliferation of pornography. Alan, ever the Libertarian, does not see his point of view, but when he finds out that Piers and his campaigners get to sit through hours of pornography, he joins the bandwagon.
Later, during a screening of Snow White and the Seven Perverts, Alan steals a dossier full of obscene photos provided to the group by the Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police. He takes them back to his office and begins to formulate plans to make copies, with the help of Norman Bormann, his confidante. Lady Virginia Imery enters the office and, believing Alan to be Sir Stephen, speaks to him about a letter she wrote to him about writing a book entitled "Sex Is Wrong." Alan plays along and allows her to believe he is Sir Stephen, and seizes upon the opportunity to make money by over-charging her for the printing costs, which she unwittingly agrees to. He also tells her they should be printed in time for the political conference in Blackpool, which she says she will not be attending owing to a phobia of crowds, much to Alan's relief. His plan of course, is to publish her book along with the obscene photos he has stolen.
Later on at the Westminster Bar, Alan is joined by Piers and Sir Stephen, where they discuss and scrutinise Lady Virginia's article. Alan encourages Sir Stephen to support and publish it.
At the conference, Piers has set up a stall to sell the books. Alan arrives and is alarmed to see Lady Virginia arrive, and insists that Piers refers to him as Sir Stephen. B'Stard is called up to speak, and then is approached by Beatrice, revealing his deception. B'Stard then takes to the stage and manages to give a rousing speech in support of the book, speaks out against pornography and ends up coming out smelling of roses. The books sell out.
Afterwards, whilst pleasuring himself in bed, Alan is visited by Lady Virginia, who bursts into his hotel room, removes her clothes and seduces him.
Rik Mayall as Alan Beresford B'Stard
Michael Troughton as Piers Fletcher Dervish
Vivien Heilbron as Beatrice Protheroe
John Nettleton as Sir Stephen Baxter
Isabelle Amyes as Lady Virginia Imery
- Although pre-dating it by six years, the fictional Campaign for Moral Regeneration draws parallels with the real-life Back to Basics campaign of the Conservative government under John Major.