Passport To Freedom is the second episode of the first series of The New Statesman. It was first broadcast on ITV on 20 September 1987.
At the Heathrow Grange Hotel, Alan and his lover Vicky furiously burst into a hotel room and begin embracing. Vicky pushes him away after a few moments, turns the lights on, and complains that she's not into one-night-stands. Alan complains about the expense paid for the hotel room and then lies about loving her. She changes her mind and begins having sex with him, only to find he has climaxed after only a few seconds. A few moments later she tells him she's glad he loves her because she's not been taking her contraceptive pills.
In the queue to the check-in desk, Alan boasts about his night of love-making to Piers and then enters into an argument with Labour MP Bob Crippen. Reaching the front of the queue, he realises he's forgotten his passport. The desk clerk refuses to let him past and Alan demands to see the airport manager. Piers offers to search Alan's briefcase, but Alan protests, because he has secreted a large amount of hotel ornaments, cutlery and electrical goods in there, which fall all over the floor as he tussles with Piers.
Back at Alan's home, Sarah is having breakfast with her lover Beatrice Protheroe, who is also revealed to be Alan's political agent. Sarah has successfully been bequeathed £200,000 shares in Ocelot Motors by a deceased uncle, and she dreams of divorcing Alan and running off with Beatrice. Alan arrives home, rehearsing his excuse for Sarah as he arrives and almost knocks the groundskeeper over. He bursts into the lounge and he and Sarah share a faux embrace, and sits down to falsely explain that the conference was cancelled because Piers had failed an AIDS blood test. Sarah sees through his facade and chucks him his missing passport. She also appears to know about Alan's infidelity, and tells him that she's just had a large inheritance and she's going to divorce him.
He takes a taxi into the city to see Norman, who is hiding out in a disused ambulance on a main road. Seeing that the vehicle is parked on yellow lines, and has been clamped, Alan laughs out loud. He knocks on the rear doors and gives the password "Edwina Curry likes it hot and spicy." Alan immediately notices that Norman has started wearing mascara. Finding out about his impending divorce from Sarah, Norman has transferred all of Alan's money to an off-shore bank account in the Vatican City. This is not enough though - Sarah has just come into an inheritance and can afford to divorce him. If she divorces him, it will mean unwanted press and his father in law would probably kick him out of the Tory Party. Norman complains that Alan will now want him to help him out; Alan suggests that the only way Norman will be able to afford his sex change operations is if he co-operates. The plan - destroy Ocelot Motors.
Later on, Alan convinces Piers to help him break into Margaret Thatcher's office. Using Piers to distract a police guard, he breaks in and steals some official headed paper, which he uses to type up a false letter suggesting that Thatcher wants Ocelot to be de-unionised and wages cut by 30% This later finds it way to Crippen, and enrages the government causing a massive debate in the Commons. The subsequent backlash and industrial action from Ocelot causes the share prices to plummet, effectively wiping out Sarah's inheritance.
In exchange for Piers' help, Piers later asks Alan whether he would live up to his promise of buying him an Ocelot Supercat sports car. Alan takes him down the parking garage and reveals a gleaming new vehicle. Piers thanks him, but Alan then reveals that he had just rented the car using Piers' own credit card details, and walks off laughing.
Rik Mayall as Alan Beresford B'Stard
Michael Troughton as Piers Fletcher Dervish
Marsha Fitzalan as Sarah B'Stard
R.R. Cooper as Norman Bormann
Vivien Heilbron as Beatrice Protheroe
Nick Stringer as Bob Crippen
Serena Gordon as Victoria
Brigitte Kahn as Ground Hostess
David Simeon as Constable Austin
- The Ocelot motor company, and the Ocelot Supercat vehicle seen at the end of the episode, are fictional.
- Norman Bormann, in his quest to become a woman, has started wearing mascara.