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SummaryEdit

Guest House Paradiso is a 1999 film based on Rik and Ade's characters from Bottom. Richie and Eddie are in charge of the worst hotel in Britain, and their normal routine of crap service, horrible food and general violence is interrupted with the arrival of a beautiful runaway film star. Richie and Eddie are basically the same characters depicted in the TV series and live shows, however for this film their surnames have been changed.

PlotEdit

It is early morning at the Guest House Paradiso, and Richie is talking in his sleep. After a very violent alarm call we are treated to Richie's early morning routine of deciding which of his identical cardigans to wear, and a minor case of accidental nipple piercing. A wide shot shows us that the setting for the film is a coastal hotel situated next to a nuclear power plant shaped like a large penis and testicles. Eddie, meanwhile, is meandering through the country lanes on his motorbike. The only problem is, he's asleep. 

Eddie miraculously makes it to the hotel, and the they both set about the business of the day. Their waiter, Pascal, is nowhere to be found and Chef is drunk and gorged on the hotel's supply of food. After Richie offends a couple staying in one of the rooms, he orders Eddie to perform waiter duties. Eddie ends up having a violent off-screen fight with Chef which possibly leaves him dead, forcing Eddie to do the cooking. After much bickering over the breakfast orders, the pair have a fight of their own, resulting in Eddie getting thrown out of the window. Richie is subsequently knocked out cold by Mr Johnson, who has had enough of waiting for his breakfast.

When Richie finally rouses, Eddie informs him that most of the guests have checked out, apart from the dimwitted Mrs Foxfur who Richie decides to unsuccessfully steal some gold teeth from. But all is not lost when the Nice family arrive and they are shown to their room. Richie's over-enthusiasm leads him to break into their room whilst they are out, where he finds a spiked crotchless rubber bikini amongst their luggage. Unable to resist the temptation, he tries it on, but is alarmed to find that Italian starlet Gina Carbonara has arrived at the hotel to escape from her abusive fiance Gino Bolognese. Eddie assists him in removing the bikini, and sets about showing the lovely Gina to her room.

Later on in the evening, dinner is up, consisting of the fish Eddie found after he was thrown out of the window earlier in the film. Gina however prefers to dine alone in her room, and only has a salad. Mr Nice meanwhile discovers that his bikini is missing and approaches Richie about it in front of the other guests. He denies any knowledge, but is seen on CCTV running down the upstairs corridor whilst wearing the bikini. In response to this, Richie immediately uses Eddies head to repeatedly smash the VHS recorder to fully claim himself not accountable, until the VHS recorder malfunctions and ejects the tape.

Mr Nice confiscates the tape and sleeps with it in his hands intending to show it to the police the next day, forcing Richie to initiate a very daring retrieval mission (which was nearly foiled as Mr Nice's son, who was beginning to suffer from food poisoning, noticed Richie's hand and crushed his hand into the cupboard door whilst trying to alert Mr and Mrs Nice. Richie pokes Mr Nice's son in the eye and manages to successfully get his hand back into the cupboard in time before they both wake up.)

Later on, Eddie was called by Richie in Room 6 to get him out of the cupboard as the trap door inside was shut. Rumbles from the rooms signals the beginning of a mass incidence of horrific food poisoning, but not before Gino Bolognese arrives and demands to see Gina. Gino forces Eddie to serve them some food whilst he conducts the wedding himself against her will.

Eddie retires to the bar and lets in his three chums from the power plant next door, who use their Geiger counters to find the fish they served for dinner; radioactive fish that were being shipped for safe disposal. The three workers scarper away to tell the authorities whilst Richie and Eddie discover that the guests have become violently ill from the evening's supper, exhibiting such symptoms as uncontrollable flatulence and extreme projectile vomiting. Gino in particular suffers the worst when he expels an enormous green bolus which rolls down the corridor as Richie, Eddie and Gina try to escape.

The other guests vomit onto Gino, and as he is forced backwards, he falls out of the hotel into the sea. The three reach the front door as a group of mysterious men arrive in black suits who offer to trade them several million pounds as well as tickets to the Caribbean and passports to leave the country in exchange for their suitcases on condition that they never speak of the incident again. As Richie and Eddie trade suitcases (although Eddie makes hesitation to surrender his suitcase, he eventually does so and looks at Gina in disappointment), Richie asks shall they shake on the deal. The mysterious man, who notices Richie's hand covered in the radioactive vomit replies that he'd rather not.

The film concludes with Richie, Eddie and Gina living it up on a tropical island. Gina thanks them both for killing her boyfriend, and crouches down to give Richie a little "treat."

Cast Edit

Rik Mayall as Richie Twat

Ade Edmondson as Eddie Elizabeth Ndingombaba

Helene Mahieu as Gina Carbonara

Vincent Cassell as Gino Bolognese

Simon Pegg as Mr Nice

Bill Nighy as Mr Johnson

Fenella Fielding as Mrs Foxfur

Quotes Edit

Mrs Foxfur: Morning, Twat.


Mr Johnson: Look, Mr Twat...

Richie: It's pronounced Thwaite!

Mr Johnson: Well it's spelled 'twat,' T W A T, twat!

Richie: Could you keep your voice down please? We have other guests you know.


Gina Carbonara: Good evening Mr Twat.

Richie: (Laughs) It's cunt.

Richie: (Whispering) Damn.. again.


Richie: Gina Carbonara! The melons from Milan!

Eddie: Yeah, the nipples from Naples.

Richie: The rump from Rome.

Eddie: The rectum from Reykjavík!

Eddie: Hang on, that's not quite right, is it?

TriviaEdit

  1. The character of Chef is played by Steven O'Donnell, best known for playing Spudgun in the Bottom TV series.
  2. Although the location of the hotel is never mentioned in the film, the building used is in the Isle of Wight.
  3. In terms of continuity, it is possible that the action takes place between the second and third live shows, given that both characters are seen to leave the UK and end up on a desert island, the setting for Bottom Live 3: Hooligan's Island.
  4. The script was written during Rik's recovery from the quad-bike accident that almost killed him in 1998. 

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