Main Characters
Recurring Characters
One-Off Characters
- "Cannonball" Taffy O'Jones
- Doreen Hedgehog
- The Gas Man
- Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellesley Obstromsky Ponsonsky Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Oblomov Boblomov Dob, third Viscountess of Moldavia
- Veronica Head
- Harry The Bastard
- Tight-Mouthed Larry
- The Doctor
- The Old Lady
- Mr Rottweiller
- Lolly
- The Wimbledon Streaker
- "Skullcrusher" Henderson
- N. Stiles
- The Lesbians
- Three Small Devils
- John Cooper (Mr 55p)
- Lily Linneker
- The Fortune Teller
- The Sex Shop Manager
- Gina Carbonara
- Gino Bolognese
- Chef
- Mrs Foxfur
- Her Majesty The Queen
- Johnnie Bates
- Valerie Bates
- The Burglars
- The Showgirl
- The Mormon
- Sir Roger Cobham
- The Fairground Attendant
- Chief Inspector Grobelaar
- Mrs Potato
- Grandma Potato
- The Maitre'd
- The Concierge
- The Hotel Desk Clerk
- The Maid
- The Horny Barman
- Mr Johnson & Ms Hardy
- Mr & Mrs Nice
- The Newlyweds
- Mrs Gascoigne
- Chatty, Sickly & Worried
- Saucy Wood Nymphs
- Boris
- Monica
- Lesbo Ferdinand
- The Angry Man
- Angry Man's Wife
Unseen Characters
- Ethel Cardew
- Gusty O'Windflap
- Susan Hedgehog
- Ted "Unlucky Suicide" McGloomy
- Sue Carpenter
- Father O'Mally
- Slip Digby
- Aswad
- Geoffrey The Psychopathic Penis Remover
- Horace Big
- Dorothy Richard
- Mrs Richard
- Oswald Richard
- Roderick Richard
- Willis Richard
- Brian
- Mad Dog Patrick Do You Want Some Of This O'Fist
- Pat O'Cake
- Michael O'Hooligan & Patricia O'Violence
- Keith & Deirdre McFrenzy
- Harry "I'll Do Anything For Half a Pint" Grundy
- Aunt Irama
- Great Uncle Stalin
- Adolf Hitler
- Pascal The Waiter
- Amal The Kebab Shop Owner
- Keith Floyd
- Richard McRichard
- Madame Swish
- Great Uncle Percy
- Peregrine Richard
- Auntie Olga
- Mrs Higginbottom
- Bob McMayday
- Tubbs Lardy
- Mad Ken Starling
- Terry Hardacre
- Aunt Mable
- Dr Wildthroat
- Norman
- Nasty Linda
- Great Uncle Susan
- Mad Quentin Trousers Down Pervy O'Blimey